THE COLTS V FINAL CC : CUP FINAL : 13/10/12

And so it was, a group of magi led by Captain Prefab von “Balthazar” from the East and with him David “Cherub” Whiteley from the frozen North, Mike “Frankincense” Howard from the even farther frozen North, Rupert “Melchior” Garrett, Simon “Gabriel” Williams and Steve “Donkey” Ball. They sought a village, a stable, a child and the Choice Indoor Cricket “Double of Champions”. The only thing standing in our way were the Herods of Final CC, a formidable band of brothers whom we had only recently clashed with in the league decider. If we won, SPoTY wasn’t out of the question.

As the teams greeted each other from afar, cattle could be heard lowing in the back passage and some form of irritating archangel kept flitting around barking on about inheriting the Earth and all that was in it. We were only there for the silver plasticware, our legendary status and a pint of lager top. We were without a few key players including The Hedge who was somewhere wrapped in swaddling clothes and Peter Makower, anxiously awaiting the birth of his new hip replacement. JC was omnipresent (isn’t he always) and JC3 was monitoring progress on Bethlehem 95.8FM.

Final won the toss and dived straight in to the hay by electing to bowl first and thus reverse the order of the previous match by asking us to set a target rather than chase one. That suited us like a bowlful of honey parsnips on a Christmas lunchtime. As “Balthazar” would have batted anyway, the battle lines were drawn and no amount of farmyard animals, golden stars, strange, rotund, bearded gentlemen with huge sacks and a bunch of flea bitten reindeer were going to stop us. “Cherub” (3 in 6) was an unlucky run out victim early (no stocking for him) but “Frank” (34* in 23) and “Gabriel” (32 in 19) were frankin-immense. They cruised to 70-odd before “Frank” had to retire in the 7th over and we were well on the way to an excellent score. “Gabriel” in particular was a delight to watch with paddles, sweeps and nudges in to corners of the barn not often investigated by most other players. Easy singles were being taken and 3-a-ball plus 31 extras were getting us there. Mind you “Gabriel” has been playing the indoor game since time began. “Balthazar” (12* in 9) scraped his way to double figures but “Donkey” was out to a brilliant catch by “Paul” and “Melchior” (8 in 5) clouted the only “6” of the match before perishing to a caught and bowled off the roof. 105 in 11 wasn’t bad as a Terry’s chocolate orange goes but a crucial last over from “Arif” (.,3,3,2,5,2) went for 15 and this got us up with the angels to a very competitive 120-4. Oh Lord, we’d have taken that on the road to Damascus. The Morecambe & Wise Christmas Special was within touching distance.

The next stage of the match was cagey. The Queen may not even mention it in her speech but she did notice that it reminded her a little of Boycott and Brearley in the 1979 World Cup Final. “Paul” (20 in 19) and “Rod” (26 in 20) put on 67 for the first wicket but it had taken them in to the 8th over to do it. Once “Paul” was run out (unfortunate) it put the rest under great pressure coming in and having to get on with it. Un-Colts-like we were conceding plenty of extras (43 in the end – we must have been on the sherry !!) but it seemed that Final had left it too late. Like the “Eastenders” Christmas omnibus edition, it all happened right at the end. Bally nabbed an LBW (close perhaps but out) and gave it the “quadruple-Channon” to the crowd. “Cherub” took the bauble and took a catch whilst “Balthazar” (miracle of miracles) actually took a ball behind the stumps and nabbed “Tariq” for a Christmas goose. All of a sudden 67-0 had become 84-4 but, strangely, with the game so nearly won, Final actually sneaked ahead in the 11^th over as their 107-5 pipped our 105-4. It was a big ask for “Kevin” (14 in 9) and it proved too much although 10 to win off 4 balls was by no means impossible with the back wall as naked of cover as Grandma after she’s been on the advocaat.

We had done it. Joy to the world, peace to all men and why can you never find a Redbourn shepherd when you need one ?

A warm glow spread over the skip although that may have been a combination of the cold and an unreliable bladder.   

MOM : Simon “Gabriel” Williams (32 in 19) for reminding us all what a sensible, well played and beautifully paced indoor innings can look like.                     

Curried AGM : Look out for dates. It will also be Awards night, a ladies’ “excuse me” in “Billy’s” and Simon Williams’ guitar recital of his full of length experimental version of the Wisden Cricketers Almanac in E flat major.