It was a grisly tale of stains on the carpet as The Colts strolled by Bamville in the Cup at the Downton Choice Abbey. No doubt the downstairs maid would have had her work cut out with a scrubbing brush and a pail of cold water from the outside privy tap as John "Playing" Card left puddles of blood from several lower bits of himself on the second floor drawing room carpet whilst Lord Prefab honked up gobbets of high intestine in to the corner by the bookcase with the walnut inlay as he strove to fight off the ravages of man 'flu and gout.
Bamville had left a polite calling note suggesting that they might drop by for crumpet and tea and Stephen "Billiard" Ball, Tim "Mrs. Bridges" Spencer, Andrew "The Backstairs Maid" Hedges and Simon "Mister Bates" Williams were ready with a warm welcome and the best silver. His Lordship (49* in 28) took a deep puff and walloped his first ball for 6 as if he'd found his valet stroking his fob-chain but The Bams (sans "Jeremy") bowled well early on with a new lemon and "Wedd" bowled some fine outswingers. "Mrs. Bridges" (15 in 9) started well but walked around a straight one and "The Hedge" (8 in 5) was eccentrically given out LBW by an umpire most had not met before.
At 42-4 in 4 overs it was time for "Playing" (6 in 6) to come in and knock it around the candelabra like we know he can but our resident "JC" fell for the oldest trick in the book by not lining up on the right line (white) and by the time the fire had taken in the old range cooker and the kettle was on the hob, JC found himself stranded and innocuously run out. "Billiard" was then done like a kipper with another avoidable run out and it was time to send out for "Mister Bates" to calm the whole situation down.
Having laid out his Lordship's starched collars, wing studs and black tails, Simon (32* in 17) batted like a dream landing two 8's with one of them barely missing the ornamental "10" on the mantelshelf in the Chinese room. With dignity of spirit, noble in posture and a determined profile, "Mister Bates" was a silk kerchief in the fraught proceedings...if only it hadn't been needed by his Lordship to mop an extremely sweaty brow as well as hawking up speckets of lung. As someone from the village remarked "If his Lordship gets any more red they'll have to bleed 'im wi' leeches".
From a working class 97-4 in 8 we rallied as only blue bloods can to an aristocratic par score of 149-4 with his Lordship unable to take one last nip out of his hip flask to fall just short of a sickly but valuable half century. He was grateful to just walk off unaided but did contemplate taking his old service revolver and a stiff glass of brandy in to the library and locking the door if things had got any worse.
After the long break for adverts including at least three for different firms of "Lawyers 4 U" it was a bit of the same old story from series 1. The opening Bam tried to smash Spence (2-0-15-1) and was caught and bowled off the wall at the third attempt whilst another was run out wandering from his crease. This left their skipper "Peck" (29 in 24) with a huge amount to do and he was not helped by the excitable "Ani" (9 in 9) who unbelievably did not make double figures but was not dismissed without pay (and with no option on a third series) until the 8th over.
"Billiard" (2-0-17-1) was miserly with the key to the drinks cabinet as we know he can be but he nabbed a wicket with another Spence fumbled catch. "JC" (2-0-17-2) was the ace in the hole, on the persian rug in front of the fire with the Turkish ambasssador inspecting his secret passage as he mutton-chopped his way to a 2-fer with a caught and bowled (held first time, Spence) and a clean bowled.
His Lordship now had the complexion of an early morning tureen of devilled kidneys and the hunting party not even assembled down by the lodge. All was done and several times dusted as the Bams took the charabanc back from whence they came being all out for 73 in the 9th over having not come to terms with the installation of the electric telephone or the Colts' excellent performance on the night.
In the drawing room the lady of the house stroked her pussy and drew the semi-finals. The cads from Redbourn and the Colts were kept apart like families at a wedding as our duel was possibly postponed until Finals Night. The Colts have a full Final CC in our Semi-Final.
Next is Bamville but in the League.
MoM : Easy to be accused of bias but in genuinely batting better than he looked even if he then dropped a sitter off Willo - His Lordship remains in charge and gives the nod to himself for 49* and a glove in 2 run outs. Good show, what.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment