The best plaid plans of pigs and men can be thrown into total chaos when one of your players contracts swine 'flu 24 hours before your next match. The Hedge was duly obliged to provide a doctor's note to certify that had indeed succumbed to the dreaded porcine lurghi and it was fortunate that Steve "Johnny" Ball wasn't pig-headed enough to refuse a last minute call up to add a further spin option for the match versus Hamstead (make that Flamstead - but in any event certainly not Totternhoe as was originally billed on "The X Factor"). With David "Chinese" Byrne and skipper Simon "Napoleon" Williams both ready to purvey some leg-spin and with Ball adding his off-breaks there was more curl and twirl to the Colts' bowling attack than your average pig's tail. John "Norman" Cowan, David "Twice Nightly" Whiteley and Graeme "Wilbur" Sprowson made up the rest of the team.
Flamstead batted first and made a good start with some experienced openers at the top of the menu including a very smart "double run" after a Cowan overthrow went past the slightly porky wicket-keeper and 10 an over was being just about maintained with no wickets down despite a solid opening spell from Whiteley and some cunning and accurate leg-breaks from Byrne. One Flamstead opener was finally stumped playing an offal shot (sorry) and wandering down the carpet whilst the other finally made it to 25 despite pork scratching around for his last few streaky runs and using up a few extra balls to ensure that his team did not lose a crucial wicket. At this point the innings started to turn in the Colts' favour as Cowan turned on some nifty fielding for a couple of run outs and Sprowson completed a second stumping off a ripping legger from Williams who was making the pigskin turn square. It was a piggish delivery to receive and Flamstead's resolve then rested on the two bats who had made it to 25. They had several overs at the end to make a difference with the total hovering around the 100 mark but Ball found his range to bowl one and Whiteley produced a jaffa to get rid of the other and the Colts were content to turn around (bright eyes - that's one for you Bally) chasing just 110.
Sprowson and Whiteley were the "Piglet & Roo" at the top of the order for the Colts reply and they accelerated away right from the start. Flamstead elected to begin with their fielders in a "Full Court Press" as it's known in the NBA but as "Napoleon" Williams shrewdly observed it's a tactic that loses a bit in effectiveness if you keep bowling slow-medium half volleys that do nothing off the carpet. With a pork chop here and a pork cut there and the odd blow to the back bacon wall the Colts were away to a pig's might flyer as both the openers reached 25 with neither getting to hog the strike. "Johnny" Ball and Williams then got their snouts in to the trough as if it were last orders at feeding time before a trip to the abattoir and there would be no coming piggy-back for Flamstead. "Chinese" Byrne and "Norman" Cowan both made it on to court as Ball contrived to lose his wicket and Williams retired but the match was over with plenty of time to spare. We were even able to rib Redbourn in the bar afterwards.
The Colts remain handily placed at 2nd in the table behind Crabtree Dads but with a pig iron fist hiding in their velvet batting gloves.
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