THE COLTS V. REDBOURN : 5/10/10

And thus it came to pass (sorry, that was last week’s report in a religious idiom).Tuesday night was fight night. The Rumble in the Jungle, the Clashes for the Ashes and the WWE “All In – Ultimate Fighter Cage Wrestling” bout rolled in to one. The Colts v. Redbourn. It doesn’t get any bigger than this in Herts. Vets. Indoor League cricket. This is the ultimate. The one that everyone wants to play in. We even had Dickie Davis in the World of Sport commentary box and he must have been dead for years.

The warm-up was low-key. “Cyanide Sid” Hedges and Tim “Six” Spence “None the Richer” polished their heads and knuckles, Bally slipped a horseshoe in to his glove, Mike “The Merciless” Howard had a dirk down his trousers (or so he told us but he may just have been pleased to be there), Dave “The Hit Boy” Whiteley performed a half nelson on himself and skipper “Big Daddy Haystacks” stuck in a mouth-guard and practised his belly-flop. The Colts won the toss and the man in the sharp suit and the microphone from the ceiling called out that the favourites would bowl first.

So far so good but then things went a bit off the rails. The Colts were undeniably on the ropes for 6 overs as Mr. Wellsbury from the Ministry (47*) played extremely well and with his opening partner, Bassill (18*), ensured that Redbourn got to 75-1 by the halfway stage of the innings. Steve “The Undertaker” Ball (3-30) then had Bassill put right in to the ratatouille (as Basil Fawlty would say) having him caught by “The Hit Boy” off the back of the bat and the Redbourn innings went in to submission. Having gone at 12.5 per over, the innings then went backwards as two run outs were followed by Bally laying out “Wily” who played no shot to a straight one. Redbourn must have been wanting 150 as a minimum but “Merciless” (0-28) then bowled as fine a penultimate over of indoor quick bowling as anyone can have witnessed. To bowl one fast yorker is good, to bowl two in a row is very good but to bowl an entire over for a maiden just at the time that the slog ought to be on is impressive stuff indeed. Bajpai (6 in 12 balls) ducked, swerved, moved and gave it the ol’ Ali shuffle but he couldn’t lay a glove on anything. Mike danced like a butterfly and with “Cyanide Sid” (0-37) ensured that The Colts would be chasing only a very par score of 132-5. Redbourn had been restricted to 57-4 for their last 6 overs.

So Captain “Haystacks” took to the ring with “The Hit Boy” for one of the more unlikely looking tag partnerships and things started slowly as “Wily” (1-27) was treated with respect. Bassill’s first over consisted of 10 wides and went for 17 and the innings never really looked back. “Haystacks” (17) took a haymaker below the belt as “Wily” sneaked one through for an LBW shout that was upheld by the umpire. “Haystacks” responded with a torrent of good natured banter as the merits of the knockout were discussed with the umpire on his way off court. TV replays, the third umpire, the corpse of Dickie Davis, the white quiff of the corpse of Dickie Davis and the opinion of the rest of the team were that the umpire had made a good decision. It hardly mattered. “Merciless” (26* in 9) spanked it everywhere and “The Hit Boy” (27* in 18) gave him good support. After 6 overs we were 86-1 and all but winners on the referee’s card. Redbourn’s “Full Court Press” tactic was starting to look as effective as Henry Cooper slapping on a good splash of Brut before going in to take on Mike Tyson. “Six” Spence (25* in 11) then rolled back the years to when men were men and to take a bite out of an opponent’s ear during a bout was thought to be dashed bad form. One of his cover drives will not be bettered all season. “Cyanide” Hedges (11* in 10) made sure of the rest and with 9 balls to spare the fight went out of Redbourn as they stared upwards at the lights from the canvas. Two wins in two and the Championship belt feels comfortable at the moment.

MoM : Tough on “Mauler” Ball as his 3-30 was a good effort but it must be Mike “the Merciless” Howard for his sensational maiden over and quickfire 26*.