It was the announcement that the entire country had been waiting for. The Prince of Colts had gone down on one knee, stuck a familiar ring on the proffered finger and then taken the good men of Totternhoe right up the aisle. By Royal assent the engagement was delivered to the good men of the associated press as the two sides declared their love for each other and discussed plans for a right royal knees up.
“King Prefab of the Netherlands” was accompanied by David “Warden of the Royal Privy” Whiteley, Prince “Randy Andy” Hedges, Peter “The Orb” Makower, Mike “The Duke of Glasgow” Howard and Steve “Princess Margaret” Ball in a line-up dripping with in-bred but noble blood. Grandmas in Swindon were beside themselves with questions like what dress designer did “Princess Margaret” Ball prefer and would he be wearing white ? Would “The Duke of Glasgow” insult all of the foreigners and did “King Prefab” know how to drive through a tunnel after the post match pint of lager without running in to a supporting concrete post ? Would “Randy Andy” arrive by helicopter at the tax-payers’ expense ? Did “The Orb” need a damn good polish ?
Totternhoe were demure and bashful as they offered to bowl first upon winning the toss but their opening overs were testing and well directed like the Queen Mother attempting to locate the drinks cabinet. The Totts kept wides to a decent number (they bettered The Colts by 16 to 34) and quickly beheaded “King Prefab” (11 in 6) as he took off for one of the most ill-advised ventures since The Crusades by running a quick one slowly as he hit the ball straight back to a fielder. This left “The Warden” (46* in 22) and “The Thin White Duke” (40 in 18) to put on a formidable partnership of 52 in brilliant time even though the Totts kept their discipline with the ball. Both knights were retired to allow “Randy Andy” (7 in 7) and “Princess Margaret” (28* in 11) to indulge in a close relationship that may have caused a huge scandal in another time and place but worked very well here until “Margaret” pulled the rug from “Randy Andy’s” head and left him high, bald, dry and run out. Like Prince Charles, “The Orb” (3 in 2) had waited a lifetime to be anointed but he did not get a chance to rule for long before he was cruelly caught short backing-up like a corgi with a stomach complaint. By now the Totts had kept the Colts to 25 in the last 3 overs but “The Duke” then unleashed the crown jewels of his full range of strokes. The penultimate over went for 26 and the last one for 17 as The Prince of Colts mounted Zara Phillips’ horse (careful) and drank deeply from the stirrup cup of glory posting a regal target of 155-4.
Totternhoe’s hopes of a “Peasants’ Revolt” were halted with a superlative bowling performance. Despite the high and wide count of 34 there was menace in almost every delivery and “The Duke” (0-12) and “Randy Andy” (1-21) in particular swung the ball round courtiers and made the ball jump disconcertingly like Edward Longshanks at the sight of a hairy Scot. “The Orb” (0-17) had already proved miserly in a state opening that included an excellent stumping down the leg-side by “King Prefab” off “Randy” and some sound ground fielding. “Tim the Terrible” (25* in 24) hung around well although the run-rate was climbing and The Colts were unable to take the extra wickets they hoped for. The Totts closed at 87-3 with The Colts putting in arguably their best performance of the season as they stay neck-and-neck with Flamstead….just as Henry VIII would like it.
The Colts now have back-to-back matches against Flamstead as the season climaxes like Prince William and Kate Middleton as they……….(nope, I’m not going to The Tower by finishing that one).
MoM: Could be almost anyone but “The Warden of the Royal Privy” takes this one for a gutsy personal performance.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment