THE COLTS V. CRABTREE DADS : CUP : 12/10/12

It was a new flight of fancy in the cup for The “Women’s Auxiliary Balloon Corp.” Colts as they looked to check in at the economy desk of fate only to hope that we had been upgraded to the First Class lounge complete with free Buck’s Fizz (remember them – now performing in an airport lounger near you) and a complimentary pair of flight slippers and a sleep mask. Captain Baron Von Richtofen had selected his flight crew from jet-setters around the globe with David “Louis Bleriot” Whiteley flying in direct from Schipol with a suspicious bulge in his trousers that may or may not have been a bag of weed. Nice. Andrew “Biggin Hill” Hedges had made it on time in his flying cap and goggles (no handlebar ‘tache though) and Our Lord JC (DFC and bar), Micky “Mannock” Howard and Stephen “Dougie Bader” Ball made up the flying squad.

Chocks away and a win of the toss saw The Colts yell “Contact” as propellers spun in to action with “Mannock” (33 in 13) and “Bleriot” (31* in 13) putting on an unbroken 50 for the first pair. “Biggin” (11 in 7) then swooped in low before running himself out and JC (11 in 7) fell for the oldest trick in the indoor book. At the non-striker’s end he stood nonplussed as his skipper, as unstoppable as a jumbo on a package flight to Malaga, took off from the far end of the runway shouting in to his radio “Waiting, waiting waiting” before then yelling “Abort !!!” and performing an Immelman turn on the spot to land safely back at base to get his oil levels checked. JC, understandably confused by the calling and the sight of what must have looked like the half of the Fleet Air Arm’s finest just about to take off, responded in kind only to have to try and turn around himself and getting shot down in mid-air by a half decent piece of fielding. “Richtofen” (18 in 12) then did something not dissimilar to leave “Dougie” (16 in 7) stranded like a lone bag on the conveyor belt to nowhere and all of a sudden a total of 150 was being taken off the indicator boards and the “Wait at Gate” sign went on. The openers came back to add a bit of gloss including an “8” from “Mannock” but 139-5 was a bit disappointing and The Colts remain a work in progress with the bat.

As the oil can of youth was applied to aching limbs and a fresh can of diesel poured in to the tank, “Biggin” Hedge (3-0-19-1) took aim and started sending down “Hellfires” whilst early on JC (2-0-29-0) had a few surface-to-leg-side missiles. It was Micky “Mannock” who broke the deadlock with a good one and took one of their blighters with him. It was a controversial one in that the batsman had sauntered down the track but an inswinging yorker hitting you low and plumb in front probably meant that fighter command had given a good decision. The batter went to the station mess muttering darkly about Duxford Wings and the “Hun in the Sun”. The match went in to a baggage handlers slump after that with nothing much happening (French air traffic controllers were on strike) apart from any number of edges and balls somehow not hitting the stumps. A word must be said for top gun “Ginger” JC (upgraded to DSO, DFC and a drink at the bar) who threw himself at everything as the ball followed him around the court. It was sensational stuff and probably should have prompted a drugs test and full body cavity search.

The Pops made a good fight of it and at one stage were 85-2 from 8 but with some strong bowling overs still to come the result was not likely to be an upset. Air Chief Marshall Prefab could rule the skies once more as his spitfires came softly in to land on the springy turf of the Kent countryside leaving those Crabtree Fokkes downed all over England.

MOM : Micky “Mannock” Howard has a huge call for this but sometimes one man rises above the occasion to transcend everything and do a hundred things that the rest of us could hardly dream of. That grand chap last night was Our Lord JC who threw himself everywhere and added useful runs and overs. At one point there was a real fear that he’d bought a packet and gone goose over stumps Frog-side. Mercifully not as it turned out.