Andrew “Grey Goose” Hedges was a shadow of his former self in
the warm-up to this match (with warm-up meaning the standing around chatting and
watching the previous game through the netting as the batting side inexplicably
grabbed defeat from the jaws of certain victory). A blood sample of pure vodka
was enough to put him personally on the WADA list as a banned substance right up
there next to Lance Armstrong’s urine. With eyes like two red traffic lights in
a Minnesota snowstorm, “The Goose” was vaguely aware of his surroundings,
vaguely aware that he was doing something sporting and vaguely aware that he had
driven to get there. However, he stuck religiously to his theme that “It was all
the broker’s fault” before admitting that him and Grey Goose vodka “May have a
bit of a problem that we need to sort out”. This was a bit like saying that
Serbians aren’t too keen on that nice immigrant family that has just moved in
down the road.
The Colts, still rusty but applying oil like a Balinese
goddess of plenty on a feast day, won the toss again and decided to stick with
batting first. Captain “Black Swan” Von Prefab led the team with “The Grey
Goose” Hedges, David “Dead Duck” Whiteley, Pete “Bald Eagle” Makower, Mike “Red
Rooster” Howard and John “Cock Robin” Card. Steve “Ugly Duckling” Ball took his
scoring duties very seriously and produced a scorecard worthy of Tony Hart’s
gallery. “Duck” (42 in 22) was in prime rib form in the opening exchanges as 45
went on the board in just 3 overs. “Black Swan” (11 in 10) continued his
struggle to find a wall or fully complete a run and it was left to “Rooster”
(62* in 27) to really spank it around. “Cock Robin”, “Bald Eagle” and “Goose”
fell in a variety of ways although “Cock” got a good one first nut. A cock ‘n’
ball story that one. As 69-2 became 71-4 at around halfway, The Colts batting
was again as fragile as a BBC 1970 children’s TV presenter’s reputation but
finally 141-5 was reached which usually sits as the benchmark for a decent
score. The only controversy was a hotly disputed run out but rather than a
dispute between the teams it was a dispute between the batter “Duck” and the ump
in the cage “Cock”. In fact, the words “duck” and “cock” may well have been used
in the exchange (or something very much like them). “Rooster” and “Duck” scored
just under 74% of the team’s runs.
Frogmore hadn’t bowled badly and now they were looking to
chase well with the bat but they ran in to a Colts bowling unit that finally put
an innings together with the apple. “Bald Eagle” (2-0-22-1) had a good LBW
triggered bang in front and hurricane “Goose” (3-0-14-2) simply wrecked the
innings. Sweating neat grain spirit and focusing grimly on the middle set of
stumps that he could see, “Goose” had a nibble behind and a clean bowled in an
over that went “w.w1.w” with a run out thrown in for good measure. The Frogs
allez from 27-1 to 28-4 and the match was won. Even an extraordinary “Red
Rooster” overthrow at the far end when he clearly couldn’t decide whether to
under-arm an over-arm throw or over-arm an under-arm one didn’t matter very
much. Mr. Salt (19 in 18 with 2 x 6’s) added a bit of spice but 59 all out left
The Colts clear winners by 82 runs and a morale boost in the league.
MoM : Can’t look anywhere but the “Red Rooster” for 62* but
“Dead Duck” gave us a fine start. The batting in general still needs some work
but the bowling tonight was extremely
good.
NB : If you get a chance, ask Hedge about his drive home. It
was an episode of “Top Gear” all on it’s own.
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