Twas brillig and the slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the
mire of the Choice Cricket Centre. Captain “Lord Voldemort” Prefab took off his
invisibility cape and apparated in to the car park with Steve “Ron Weasley” Ball
in time to take a sniff of flu powder, sneak past a rancid Dementor and cast a
spell on any of the other ridiculously named creatures that JK Rowling saw fit
to cram in to 600 pages of childish nonsense masquerading as literature. Andrew
“Uncle Feste” Hedges was already there as were Mike “Thing” Howard, John
“Hermione” Card and Simon “Whomping” Willow. Quidditch this was not going to be.
The Colts lost the toss for a change but still batted first
as the Dads decided to take defence against the dark arts by bowling first and
looking to chase. “Lord Voldemort” (38 in 25) strapped on his pads and gathered
up his snake (he’s got a big opinion of himself hasn’t he ? – Ed.) and sought to
cast a spell of illusionary batsmanship early doors. This backfired somewhat in
that he then proceeded to run out three of his colleagues. Even The Ministry of Magic couldn’t have sorted out these deceptions as “Whomping” (6 in 4) was deceived by
a poor call (although a direct hit didn’t help) whilst “Thing” (28 in 14) and
“Weasley” (12 in 7) were all severusly snaped by bad calls, bad running and
generally bad cricket. The irony was not lost on “Uncle Feste” who pointed out
that running between the wickets had been the subject of an extensive owl mail
exchange that very afternoon. The idea that “Lord Voldemort” might have been on
the butter beer was not dismissed out of hand.
The Colts kept a steady 10-an-over going but the Dads are a
much improved side and “Ben” (3-0-24-0), “Nearly Headless Nick” (3-0-23-1) and “Al” (2-0-18-2)
all bowled well backed up by some sharp fielding. The Colts batting was a little
muggled as “Feste” (11 in 5) chipped to midwicket and “Hermione” (6 in 5) was
like a Hippogriff caught in the headlights after his fore-hand smash was well
caught by the bowler. Even "Nearly Headless Nick" was surprised at the passage of
play as "Al" sent down two high beamers in a row to “Hermione” giving up 20 runs in
over 9 which eventually proved to be the winning margin. “Lord Voldemort”
continued his dastardly deeds to hit a late 6 but he was out with 3 balls to go
and The Colts were Cornelius partly-fudged to finish up with a half-blood 128
all out. Only 17 paltry notches came from the last 3 overs when the slog-warts
should have been on.
What The Colts lack with the wand they more than make up for
with the golden snitch however (and for the golden snitch, don’t forget to ask
“Thing” about his Scottish stag party entertainment). “Feste” (3-0-23-0)
continues to show he is the bowler in form and “Whomping” (3-0-25-3) was just as
dangerous. Several loopy and demonic leg-breaks accounted for an easy stumping
and two very difficult caught-and-bowleds as the Dads slumped to 46-3 in 6 and
the game was over. Or was it ? Polyjuice potion was pumping through “Ben’s”
veins (35 in 15) as he smote the ball over hill and down Mrs. Dale. Two run-outs
helped and “Ben” was faced with a tough ask of 20 to win from the last 2 balls
and it was doubly dangerous as “Thing” served a peach of an in-swinger to mangle
the stumps and send Albus Dumbledore back to his momma. The Colts win but it was
closer than many might have thought and a few bonus points may have gone
begging.
MoM: “Lord Voldemort” was effectively 38-4 so he’s out.
Gryffindor House recognises Simon “Whomping” Willow for having an entirely apt
nickname as well as bowling extremely well and holding most of his catches.
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