THE COLTS V. FLAMSTEAD : LEAGUE : 1/11/12

And now for something completely pretty much the same... 

At the Choice Ministry for Silly Cricket, The Colts again proved themselves the Knights of Nii with the ball having been upper class twits of the year with the bat for yet another game. Captain “Monty” Prefab’s flying circus freaks dug themselves out of another hermit hole (no juniper berries) having posted a wholly inadequate total of 106 in the first innings. The batting order had been a bit of a thorny issue and “Monty” discussed dropping further down the order with Mike “Spiny Norman” Howard. “Nae,” said “Spiny “you’re a natural opener and I should know as I’ve followed a few”.

“Monty” and “Spiny” were joined by the “Piranha Bothers” of JC and JC3 as well as Rupert “Mr. Creosote” Garrett (last seen stuck in a traffic jam at Heathrow) and Simon “Brian” Williams. The meaning of life this probably wasn’t but the meaning of staying at the top of the table was beating a decent looking Flamstead bunch who did not appear particularly weakened by half term hols, having their haircut but only after taking their coat and moving it down to the lower peg as well as finishing their prep homework and then taking Molesworth junior to afternoon tea. 

In fact “Spiny” and “Brian” opened but the first over was a bit of a disaster. As “Brian” (1 in 3) clumped off after yet another unfortunate run out he was heard to proclaim of “Spiny” (7 in 7) : “He’s not an opening batsman he’s a very naughty boy”. The Colts only averaged 9 an over and early run outs (“Spiny” contributed to his own downfall with a run out involving a giant wooden bunny) didn’t help leaving “Monty” (37* in 25) to cry out at 30-2 off 4 “Alright, let’s call it a draw”. Flam’s bowling was straight and true and a lot of dots came from straight drives that couldn’t pierce the back wall defences. As “Brian” might have put it “Apart from bowling straight, fielding well, protecting the back wall, cutting off singles and taking run outs – what did Flamstead ever do for us ?”. “Mr. Creosote” (16 in 17) played a terrific little knock but the “Piranha Brothers” nailed their own heads to the floor with a LBW and a poke to gully and it was clear that a target of 140 had to be adjusted to 120 and then 110. “Monty” managed to cobble a few as we scraped to 106-4 helped by 28 wides. As an innings though it had passed on. It was no more. It had ceased to be. It had expired and gone to meet it’s maker ! It was a stiff. Bereft of life. It rested in peace. Pushing up the daisies. Our metabolic processes were now history. We had kicked the bucket. Shuffled off our mortal coil. Run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible...

Things were not looking good.

But with the ball, and after a restorative mouthful of otter’s spleens, a packet of wolf nipple chips (get ‘em while they’re hot) and the holy grail stuffed down the skipper’s pants, The Colts are a different proposition. We were terrific. Right from the word “Jehovah” we were terrific. “Spiny” (3-0-26-4) was brilliant for 2 overs and downright dangerous for the last one (beamer). “Mr. Creosote” (3-0-25-1) was just as good with diving stops and a ball a la Glen McGrath to clean bowl their number 4. “Brian” (3-0-24-0) kept it tidy apart from fielding the one that he let go clean under his own scrotum off “Spiny” (run out pay-back) and the “Piranha Brothers” were patrolling everywhere else. At 43-3 off 6 we thought that we had them but “MB” (25 in 26) kept them in the picture and we needed something (not the comfy chair) from the Spanish Inquisition. Fortunately the salmon mousse took care of the rest but the Flams finished on a very creditable and hardly idle 97-5 in another result too close for comfort. We really must sort out the batting chaps . By the way, the meaning of life : It's nothing very special, try and be nice to people, avoid eating fat, read a good book every now and then, get some walking in, and try and live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations. It’s that simple. Also, dab the ball in to the side wall and call and then run like you mean it.   
                
MoM : “Monty” would like to award it to himself (as always) for his 37* and Rupes had a top game as well but truthfully we were up a shrubbery (but a nice one) if it weren’t for the Big Yin “Spiny Norman” (4-26). Happy 41st birthday Mike.