Here starteth the lesson. “Bishop” (male) Prefab had his flock round him at the Church of the Holy Choice as he led his team in prayer. There was “Archdeacon” Hedge with a small chorister nestling under his cassock, Peter “Communion” Makower, Steve “Organ” Ball, David “Boy Soprano” Whiteley, and JC was, well JC was JC. He always is isn’t he ? And he moves in mysterious ways.
The opponents were St. John of the Fishermen and there was no need for talk of loaves and feeding the five thousand before the game although it was a bit concerning that it took four Colts to work out which way round the “Archdeacon’s” pads went on. As a biblical flood continued to rage outside and a plague of locusts filled the air, “Bishop” won the toss and batted after looking at his wristband that says “WWJD” (stands for “What Would Jedward Do ?”). The genesis of a good innings began with 44-0 off 4 and “Bish” (32* in 15) retired despite being dropped off a caught and bowled when his dismissal may have led to a very interesting match indeed. Still, there was no sign of an apple, serpent or fig-leaf at this stage until the usual Colts collapse when we made a right wedding in Cana of the middle overs. “Boy Soprano” (23 in 20) was LBW to the fickle finger of fudge (it was doing just enough) whilst “Communion” (6 in 6) whined about his run out and the “Archdeacon” (1 in 2) lobbed a full toss up in to the netting and got crucified as he came off. 71-3 off 8 required divine intervention and when the world is against you and you need a man to walk on water, it is helpful to be able to call on your own resident JC (17 in 18) to bless this house. “Organ” (15 in 11) tickled a few and blocked a few and when the “Bish” came back in we had managed 25 from the last two overs to set a fair target of 111. Nothing special mind you. The Colts were still just about singing from the same song sheet but the collection plate looked a bit on the empty side. Had we made a hassock of the holy thing ?
As for most of the season, when we needed something with the orb, we got it. “Archdeacon” (2-0-8-1) bowled with reverence including an absolute jaffa to clip the top of middle peg. “Organ” (3-0-11-3) is probably due to be beatified for a number of absolute beauties in his spell with all three batsmen clean bowled as the ball whistled through like the Holy Ghost up a nun’s nightdress (your scribe is going straight to Hell for this match report). At 30-4 in 6 the match was done as The Fish succumbed to Satan and all his little wizards. They
made the mistake of simply “trying not to get out” rather than trying to score the runs. Anil (17 in 17) probably should have opened and was convincingly the best Fisher on show as he added a few in a last disciple stand. “Communion” (3-0-21-2) took the other wickets as we also let through a disappointing 27 extras including 22 in wides.
The Colts weren’t evil. We weren’t even atheist or agnostic. We didn’t vote against female bishops nor did we trespass in the house of laity nor against those that trespass against us (regularly). We were just a bit hollow rather than hallowed. Maybe the big games coming up against Final were on our minds.
MoM : His kingdom come and his will be done. He’s also not averse to a bit of daily bread. The power and the Bally for his 3-fer.
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