The Led Zepp theme tune to “Top of the Pops” blasted out across the PA system as the Captain (and Tenille) “Kid Diddy” Prefab tossed up dressed in a white cricket shirt with huge pointed collars, a tank-top, flared trousers, a Dr. Who scarf and strange T-Rex mascara. He called “Talking Heads”. It was “Tails”. The winner takes it all. It was a motley crew of beastie boys who made up the team : “Kid Diddy”, Dave “Lee” Whiteley, Andrew “The Hairless Cornflake” Hedges, Mike “Fluff” Howard, John “Nicey” Card and Peter “Our Tune” Makower (ever popular with the ladies).
Before the game there had been a remarkable team meeting where every possible scenario of toss, batting line up and God knows what else was discussed. As a guitar gently weeped in the corner, “Kid Diddy” was told to naff off and get the match started by opening the batting with “Lee”. It was a masterpiece. After 5 overs we were ride on time and there must have been an angel somewhere as we were 60-0 with “Kid Diddy” (25 in 14) and “Lee” (31 in 20) both climbing the charts like a boy band with new haircuts. “Fluff” (28 in 11) took it on but the revelation was “Our Tune” (28 in 10). It was remarkable not least because with his killer looks and general irresistibleness, Pete was fighting off Pan’s People, Legs & Co. and the Goombay Dance Band for most of it. Over 9 was a great illustration as “Mick” went for a big 20 (dot,5,3,3,3,6) and “Cornflake” (12 in 7) and “Fluff” both Tatu’d (did you see what I did there ?) the back wall by some terrific clouting with their rhythm sticks. In fact, we only made a blancmange of the final over where we managed to lose 3 nutty boy run outs in a moment of madness but 159-5 (all run out) was Whitney Houston perfect (i.e. an exceptional performance until it went completely deranged at the end). The drugs can work. The only embarrassment was “Our Tune” pumping out his own version of “We don’t have to take our pads off (to have a good time)” in the last seconds.
The Frog Chorus crossed the white line (something like a phenomenon) and after an early run out they took it to 60-1 off 5 and were well on course. This narked “Lee” who decided to body rock their opener with a cheeky little shoulder charge. This caused a falling out like that of Simon and Garfunkel’s when they disagreed over the title of “Tunnel Under Contented Water”. Punches were nearly thrown. Lights nearly went out and walls almost came tumbling down. Further confusion reigned when the umpire intervened to suggest that fielding the ball in the restricted zone was girls not allowed. Oh Vienna. “Our Tune” (3-0-23-2) was having a thriller as the Frogs tumbled to 78-5 and the match was won. “Kid Diddy” mind you was having a Jocky Wilson said of an evening where it would have been nice if he’d taken at least one behind the stumps just for the novelty value. “Everything I do, I do it for you” he wailed in a vain attempt to protect his position as captain of their hearts. It was safe to say there was no chance of him walking off to “The Reflex” at the end.
So, it’s all to play for. St. John Fisher and then double Final including the final against Final. You’d be Jimmy Savile to miss it.
MoM: It’s not even close. Like the old, tall, bald, thin Duke that he is, Pete “Our Tune” Makower (28 & 2-23) rocked it.
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